My parents are dead. They are gone. Both of them. How in the world is it possible to lose both parents in the space of 10 months? I just don’t get it.
Where Do I Go From Here?
People say God has a plan, but I am really confused right now. How could God have a plan that includes both my parents perishing at such a young age. They didn’t even get to enjoy retirement. Their grandkids will grow up without them attending their recitals, sports games and holidays.
My kids have to grow up with the memories that I tell them about. They have to trust me when I tell them what a warrior their Nana was, how amazing and generous and giving she was, not even telling her family the prognosis of her glioblastoma multiforme brain tumor until the very end because she didn’t want us to worry and she wanted to enjoy the time she had with us.
They have to trust me when I tell them their PopPop was the most kind-hearted man I have ever known, just like his own father. He was a simple man that enjoyed his music. That was enough for him. His music and my mom. When my mom died, my dad couldn’t go on. His body couldn’t fight what health issues he had because he didn’t have the will. That’s what I will tell my kids.
My parents loved each other so much that my dad literally couldn’t live without my mom. He was in love with her ever since he got his first glimpse of her in the department store where my mom worked at 17 years old. They both knew they were meant to be together and wanted to be married after only a few months after meeting.
It’s not to say they didn’t have their troubles. I can remember when I was growing up that my parents had a few big fights. It was never because they didn’t love each other though. Their love stood the test of time and it was also why my dad couldn’t bear to go on without my mom.
So now how do I go on without my parents? Because my parents are dead. Now my brother and I have to figure out how to navigate our own lives without our anchor. How do you move on in life when suddenly everything has changed? My world as I knew it not even a year ago is gone. The rug pulled out from under me.
My brother is my closest link to my memories and the one who truly knows me and my life. It’s crazy to me to live so far from him when I need him the most. The only thing I want in this world now is to be near him and his family. That makes me happy. Because without my parents I feel lost, but my brother and I are in the lifeboat together.
If God has a plan, I hope it involves getting my family closer to my brother. I hope it involves my kids growing up with their cousins and family outings together so my kids can feel the sense of family that I knew when I was growing up.
Please God, let this be your plan.